His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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