Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize