there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
