i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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