i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
