I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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