Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
