guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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