Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
