I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize