so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
