Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm jealous of your bromance
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
