You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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