Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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