i don't like sucking hair
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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