I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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