Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
