they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize