he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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