I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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