No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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