did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
