dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just high enough for therapy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
