The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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