Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
