why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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