great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
