I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
