So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
