when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
