I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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