All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have post one night stand depression
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