if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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