Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
