question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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