Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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