um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
