Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
