Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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