clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
