I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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