i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ttyl tear gas
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
