the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
sex in a hospital.. check
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
