With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
