She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
barbara walters just said penis...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
