Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
