i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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