I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
