Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
