I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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