i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
