just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
