Will you blow on my dice?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
