Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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