So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
