smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize