Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
