I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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