Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
