I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
