New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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