You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
