you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Randomize
