some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
