Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
