It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
