Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
