Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
