Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
