How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
