Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
