Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
