Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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