Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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