the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize