You're my little dorito
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
