My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is Oprah even human
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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