just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
