the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
